I remember,
It was November 18, 2006, when I met my friend Jeff.

My mother dropped me off at Walmart to wait in line for the launch of the Nintendo Wii. There were so many people there. She wanted to secure one for my brother for Christmas. Standing in line, the guy next to me was another teenager. We got to chatting and were really getting on.

The Walmart employees came out and gave everyone in line hot chocolate, stopping just before us. When we asked why, they said, “It’s only for the people in line for the Wii, you guys won’t get one because we don’t have enough.”

Everyone behind us started to get upset and disperse. Jeff and I wondered what to do when he had an idea. We would go to Shopko next to wait in line.

So I called my mother, let her know the situation, and she came back to pick me and my new friend up. She dropped us off at Shopko, and we waited in line. This time, instead of a Midnight release, we would have to camp out waiting until 7 am when the store would open.

To pass the time with the others in line, we all shared stories, played football in the parking lot, and pooled together money for McDonald’s runs. Everyone was so nice all night. Jeff and I really connected. I remember my older sister came out too, to get one for herself. She spent the night in her tent. It was very cold, but we kept our spirits up.

The store opened. We got our Nintendos and said our goodbyes.

From then on, we were friends. We both lived in West Bend and would hang out getting up to all sorts of no good. We played a lot of video games, smoked a lot of weed, drank a lot of vodka, and smoked a lot of cigarettes.

I got my first cigarette burn from him.

Eventually, my family would move away. We lost contact for a while, but as soon as I turned 16 and got my license, we would be back to business. Throughout high school, we would pal around, continuing our debauchery. We both had an affinity for the original PlayStation and the Super Nintendo.

I remember borrowing Matt’s Final Fantasy 7 for a weekend and accidentally leaving Disc 1 in Jeff’s PlayStation. Somehow it got lost, and we never saw it again. Matt was a little miffed with me for that one. I also lent Jeff my most prized possession, my beloved copy of Mega Man X for SNES, which I never saw again. Matt would remind me of that every time we talked about Nintendo.

Jeff was a fellow high-school dropout, illicit substance lover, and general rebel. It’s no wonder we clicked. We both had divorced parents. I knew his dad, his mom, his twin brother, his older brother, and I even met his Grandma.

Life had come in our way, I moved around, he moved around, and we lost touch again. It wouldn’t be until early 2016 that Matt would inform me of Jeff’s position. Matt was still very involved in the underbelly of West Bend.

Matt texted,

“Hey dude, I saw Jeff, I’m sorry bro, he’s green around the gills.”

That really irked me. For the umpteenth time, one of my friends had fallen. It really crushed me, too.

Not really knowing how to deal with my emotions, let alone support someone else in their addiction. I laid it on the line, in the worst way possible.

After a few years of radio silence, I just texted him. At first, he was glad that I reached out, but after maybe the 5th raging, drunken paragraph, he stopped responding. I spoke bluntly, let him know I loved him, I missed him, that I was worried for him, that I heard the rumors, that I wanted better for him, that he needed to be strong for his daughter, and that I didn’t want to see him dead. I forgot to tell him that I was there for him, supported him, and that I would give him whatever he needed. I forgot to just shut up and listen. I went off. Gushing years of frustration with this fucking plague on my people. Anger directed toward a lowly soul that didn’t deserve it.

That was it. I never apologized. He never texted back. That’s how I lost a friend.

Two years later, at the age of 27, he was gone.