All my life I have been tolerating sleep paralysis.  It is a condition in which the body is paralyzed but the mind is aware.  Almost every sleep session and sometimes multiple times during a single session I will have an episode.  It sets on for me in the time between my deep sleep cycle and waking.  I have what is known as Recurrent Isolated Sleep Paralysis (RISP). 

During these episodes I perceive an out of body experience (OBE).  I typically dream in the third person.  It is not uncommon for me to be viewing myself.  Terror and anxiety set in as I cannot control my body.  Breathing is most concerning.  I cannot get enough air.  The space about me usually mirrors reality though sometimes I am cast amid a dark hazy fog.  Many like I have the perception of an intruder in the immediate area.  Accounts describe horrible creatures and ghastly figures.  I cannot recall having seen one in this state. I have begun to see them.…

Some studies have attributed this condition to sleep disruption from obstructive sleep apnea: pauses in breathing from blocked airways causing oxygen levels in the blood to lower.  Others connect it to anxiety, ADHD, narcolepsy or sleeping in the supine position.  I do have an anxiety and an attention deficit which I have always struggled with.  I do experience some facets of narcolepsy as my sleep cycles have never been regulated by habit or schedule.  I always sleep completely flat on my back.

I have come to live with this paralysis.  When I find myself in that situation I want to scream.  I try in vain to make a sound, move my arms, or breath.  I have learned to accept it and wait to awaken.  Usually, the episode lasts a few minutes but it feels like an eternity.  When I finally am awake I usually lurch upward, panting in a cold sweat.  I resent having to fall asleep again risking another episode.  Sometimes, I won’t have one for a week.  Sometimes, I’ll get them multiple times nightly for a week.  It is always random.