Dear,

I write this to you because,
you are the one person who knew me best. 

What I think I am,
or was,
and what you think,
and had thought,
may be different,
from what actually is,
or was. 

Despite that, you and I had existed together, for some time. 

I can’t even remember it now. 
How it was. 
How we were. 

My mind has been so filled, as of late. 
It is getting hard for me to remember
why I am the way I turned out to be. 
My mind is so clouded with thoughts,
memories, dreams, and lies. 
I can no longer tell them apart.  

I am now only everything I had ever done, been, and thought. 

It is not so bad,
but I fear for my future. 
That is why I am writing to you. 

I just seek perspective.

I am not sure anymore,
if I have gone, too far, now,
to ever be brought back
to the light, again. 

Thus, I say
I have strayed so far off the path of hearts,
that I fear I’ve lost my way. 

I have been meandering in the darkness
for so long, that I have succumbed to my own madness. 

I’ve become as delusional as to think I’ve seen kindly souls. 
They were only mirages. 

I let hope into my heart,
and as a result,
I have been stricken most ill. 

I know what it is I must do, yet, I persist in wallowing in shadows. 

Once you gave me
the ultimate strength,
whether you had
meant to, or not. 

With your final gift, I was able to do so much. 

With time, I exhausted that energy
and have since plateaued. 

When will my next great awakening come? 

I have met the ends of my ropes. 
My creative stream is only a dribble. 

So much is in my mind,
but so little comes out. 

I am cursed. 

My greatest aspiration is to
express my art freely. 
Yet, I confine myself. 
My mind races while my shaky hands fail me. 
Arrogance and impudence plague my utter being.

Signed,

Once Loved.