Dreamt of her again.
Just a remediation of the other night,
with a fever of my hidden worries shining.

Her friend asked, “Why do you smoke so many cigarettes?”

Recurring themes from this question
circle my mind,
but I am bereft.

I could feel her warmth again,
but to know in waking,
it only serves to compound loneliness.

She told me she didn’t want to see me hurt.
That she knows I will be and hates to do it.
But she can’t help herself.
She says she hates to see
the negative effect
of her action.
Naturally.

I told her this is the way of the world.
Such things happen.
You cannot let it weigh on you.
Just make a decision and stick with it.
For what’s done is done.
Forward.

And with that, she
relinquished to me,
if only for a dream.
Reverted in waking.

I just see this headstrong young lady
filled with knowledge and insight
different from mine.

Why does she move back and forth?
Muddying the waters?

I can see she wants to be
strong and self-assured.
But with me,
she can’t be,
and without her,
I can’t be.

She holds
a great deal of confused assurity.

It is now in her life that she
identifies and defines
for herself,
abandoning others’ implanted notions.

Thus, she sees me
fresh approach,
honest,
sincere,
but just a vision.